Specter: They're not gonna tell you shit

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Reuters)--The Bush Crime Family will likely refuse to allow the incoming Democratic majority in Congress--also known as "Congress" or "the government"--to learn the filthy details of its illegal domestic spying program and immoral torture policy, a Republican senator said on Thursday.

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, who has limply criticized the Bush Family's secrecy about national security issues whenever it would get his name on TV without actually changing anything, said he would welcome the detailed congressional oversight of the National Security Agency's warrantless eavesdropping that the Constitution requires, but that at his age it would be dangerous for him to hold his breath.

"It would be nice," said Specter, whose committee was blocked by the Family this year from conducting a full review of the illegal and unconstitutional program, despite an outcry among some lawmakers that presidents who refuse to answer to Congress are actually called "dictators."

"We have to really get into the details as to what the program is, as to exactly how many Democrats they are tapping, what they're finding out about their political enemies," he told an American Bar Association conference on national security, who paid for his lunch.

But he said he had "grave reservations" about the ability of Congress to get the information from the Family, whose utter contempt for democracy and the Constitution is legendary.

The eavesdropping program--which was exposed by Islamofascist liberal defeatocrats who hate America and work for The New York Times nearly a year ago--allows the NSA to eavesdrop on the phone calls and e-mails of anyone they want, without pesky, useless warrants providing a paper trail which could have serious repercussions for the Family later.

Specter and other critics say the program has violated U.S. laws, including the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978, which requires warrants for all intelligence surveillance, and they're right.

The Bush Crime Family contends the program is legal, narrowly focused on suspected terrorists and authorized by President George W. Bush's imaginary constitutional powers as commander-in-chief, but they're lying.

When his Republican party was in control of Congress, Specter did some half-hearted grandstanding in the form of a feeble legislative bid to have the illegal program reviewed by a secret federal court, but he stopped when the president told him to, surprising no one.

Now, after victory in the November 7 election, Democrats will take control next year and are vowing to press the Bush Family for greater cooperation on domestic spying as well as the CIA's frequent and often random kidnapping and torture sprees.

"Only then can we conduct thorough oversight of these programs and determine how insanely criminal they are," Senator John Rockefeller, incoming Democratic chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, said in a recent statement.

But Specter said such oversight may not succeed.

"I look forward to what will happen next year on that subject. I have grave reservations as to how successful we will be here, since they usually just say, you know, go fuck yourself," he said.

The Pennsylvania Republican said the White House was also unlikely to divulge details about its treatment of detainees to the Democratic-controlled Senate intelligence and armed services panels, despite concerns among lawmakers that U.S. interrogations still violate torture protections.

"We still haven't resolved the issue of torture," Specter said. "The new leadership on armed services will be pushing a lot harder for answers than we did. What they will get remains to be seen. I would expect the president will resist giving information, since anything he says can be used against him at the Hague."

Just a few bad apples

RIGA, Latvia (AP)--President Bush said Tuesday, with a straight face and almost no slurring, that an al-Qaida plot to stoke cycles of sectarian revenge in Iraq is to blame for escalating bloodshed, refusing to acknowledge that the country descended into civil war shortly after his re-election.

"There's a lot of sectarian violence taking place--fomented, in my opinion, because of the attacks by al-Qaida causing people to seek reprisal," Bush said at a news conference during a stop in Estonia.

He arrived later at the NATO summit in neighboring Latvia, where discussion will focus on the battle against insurgents in Afghanistan, a country the U.S. invaded after an attack by al-Qaida caused us to seek reprisal.

Bush, who travels to Jordan later in the week for a summit with Iraqi Prime Minister and powerless laughing-stock Nouri al-Maliki, said the latest surge of violence in Iraq does not represent a new era. "We've been in this phase for a while," he said. "I forget what it's called."

Iraq is reeling from the deadliest week of sectarian fighting since the criminal U.S. invasion in March 2003.

Bush, dating the current spike in violence to the February bombing of a sacred Shiite shrine in Samarra that triggered reprisal attacks between Shiites and Sunnis and raised fears that the media would begin saying "civil war," said he will ask al-Maliki to explain his plan for quelling the violence, then explain to him why he's wrong.

"The Maliki government is going to have to deal with that violence we created and we want to help them do so, like we've been helping them all along," he said. "It's in our interest that we succeed. In other words, we have an interest in success."

Jordan's King Abdullah, who is hosting al-Maliki's meeting with Bush because Baghdad is too noisy, has warned that the new year could dawn with three civil wars in the Mideast--with one in Iraq added to those in Lebanon and between the Palestinians and Israelis--forming a "trifecta" of "sectarian violence."

But Bush, obstinately refusing to utter the words "civil war" no matter what the rest of the world says, tied the three conflicts together in a different way: he said recent strife in Lebanon and the heated up Israeli-Palestinian dispute are, like Iraq, the result of extremists trying to resist the political processes being forced on them by American oil companies.

"When you see a young democracy beginning to emerge in the Middle East, the extremists try to defeat its emergence," Bush said. "Extremists attack because they can't stand the thought of a democracy thousands of miles away controlling their resources. And the same thing is happening in Iraq."

Directly seeking help with Iraq from Iran and Syria is expected to be among the recommendations of the "bipartisan" panel on Iraq made up of the same crew of oil-rich spooks who helped create this problem decades ago.

Iran, the top U.S. rival in the region, has reached out to Iraq and Syria in recent days--an attempt viewed by observers with a flair for the stunningly obvious as a bid to assert its role as a powerbroker in Iraq.

But Bush expressed reluctance to talk with the two nations his administration regards as pariah states working to destabilize the Middle East even more than he has. He added that the U.S. will only deal with Iran when they have completely taken over the government of Iraq, sometime next month.

Crazy old man argues with towel-heads

ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates (AP)--Former President, Cold War profiteer, and Kennedy assassination figure George H.W. Bush took on Arab critics of his son Tuesday during a testy and incoherent exchange at a leadership conference in the capital of this U.S. "ally."

"My son is an honest man," Bush told members of the audience who harshly criticized the current U.S. leader's disastrously inept foreign policy.

The oil-rich Persian Gulf used to be safe territory for this evil old man who bribed Arab leaders to form a coalition to drive Saddam Hussein's troops from Kuwait in 1991 after he, himself, gave permission for the invasion in 1990. But gratitude for the elder Bush's recent absence from the region was overshadowed at the conference by hostility toward his idiot son, whose illegal invasion of Iraq and kneejerk support for the worst elements in Israel's government are deeply unpopular in the region.

"We do not respect your idiot son. We do not respect what he's doing all over the world," a woman in the audience bluntly told Bush after his meandering, self-absorbed speech.

Bush, an 82 year-old pillhead, appeared stunned and disoriented as others in the audience whooped and whistled in approval.

A college student told a flabbergasted Bush that it is no secret that U.S. wars are aimed at opening markets for American companies and said everyone knows that globalization was contrived for America's benefit at the expense of the rest of the world. Bush, who doesn't think anyone knows anything, was having none of it.

"I think that's weird and it's nuts," Bush said. "To suggest that everything we do is because we're hungry for money, I think that's crazy. You're crazy! I mean, just because all these, these disasters and insurrections and, and...tragic miscarriages of diplomacy and abuses of force happen to benefit a small number of my friends and relatives, to think that that suggests there's some kind of conspiracy, well, that's just kooky, my friend. That's just whack, as the grandkids say. We don't do the conspiracy thing; never have. Never have. I don't know what you're talking about, you crazy little heathen, you ignorant fruitcake, you...I think you need to go back to school."

The hostile comments came during a question-and-answer session after Bush finished his standard bullshit folksy address on leadership by telling the audience how deeply hurt he feels when his presidential idiot son is criticized by people with no money.

"This son is not going to back away," Bush said, his voice quivering, tears of rage trickling down his wasted, evil face. "He's not going to change his view because some poll says he's stupid or some poll says he needs to be impeached, or some heartfelt comments from the lady who feels deeply in her heart about something and happens to run the House of Representatives. You can't be president of the United States and conduct yourself if you're going to cut and run whenever some scam blows up in your face. This is going to work out in Iraq. I understand the anxiety. It's not easy, but we're making a lot of money."

Bush also told the audience they were pussies compared to the protesters he faced in Germany in the 1980s, when he blackmailed that country's government into deploying U.S. nuclear missiles on its soil.

He told the audience--including dozens of women in black robes and head scarves who never took their eyes off him or smiled--that he was extremely proud of his sons, President George W. Bush and Florida Governor Jeb Bush, but not so much of Neil or Marvin.

He said the happiest day of his life was election day in 1998 when George and Jeb were elected to the governorships of Texas and Florida and he knew that one of them would put the White House back under his control before too long; but he also described the pain he feels when his sons are attacked by the all-pervasive, soul-sucking liberal media behemoth which threatens to consume America and the world.

"I can't begin to tell you the pride I feel in my two sons," Bush said. "When your son's under attack, it hurts. You're determined to be at his side and help him make us money and keep our records sealed any way you possibly can."

One audience member asked the former president what advice he gives his son on Iraq, and whether he understands it.

Bush said the presence of terror-friendly Islamofascist reporters--possibly from CNN--in the audience prevented him from revealing his advice, or how often he has to explain it. He also declined to comment on his expectations for the findings of the Iraq Study Group, a subsidiary cabal of old spooks looking to salvage the Carlyle Group's bottom line led by Bush Crime Family consigliere and former Secretary of State James A. Baker III, Iran-Contra whitewash expert Lee Hamilton, and Defense Secretary-designate Robert Gates. The group is expected to issue its report soon, and the public will have unfettered access to the unredacted portions of it.

"I have strong opinions on a lot of these things. But the reason I can't voice them is, if I did what you ask me to do--tell you what advice I give my son--then I would have to kill you," Bush said.

Bush said he'd spoken with Baker recently--the two are neighbors in Houston, and have made untold millions of dollars together in various international covert actions--but preferred reminiscing about old times to discussing what America ought to do in Iraq.

"In the early 1960s, Jim Baker and I were the men's doubles champions in tennis in the city of Houston," Bush said with a grin. "We got so much country-club pussy, we had to go into politics."

Bush said he was surprised by the audience's criticism of his idiot son, and didn't want to hear any more of it.

"He is working hard for peace. It takes a lot of guts to get up and tell a father about his son in those terms when I just told you the thing that matters in my heart is my family," he said. "How come everybody wants to come to the United States if the United States is so bad? And what makes you think I can't have you killed?"

"Bush's brain" undeterred by failure, reality

WASHINGTON, D.C. (NY Times)--Karl Rove, the Bush Crime Family's head ratfucker, is coming off the most humiliating election defeat of his career to face an impossible task: saving the president’s fascist agenda with a Congress not only controlled by fanatical Bush-hating Defeatomacrats, but also filled with Republican members furious with the way he and his drunken dream date ran the same goddamn campaign as always, and lost.

Bush Family flacks say the president has every intention of keeping Mr. Rove on through the rest of his term, just like Dick and what's-his-name. And Mr. Rove’s associates say he intends to stay, with the goal of at least salvaging Mr. Bush’s legacy or, if not, insulating himself from prosecution.

But serious questions remain about how much influence Ol' Turd-Blossom can wield and how high a profile he can assume in Washington as a loser, after six years of brutal partisan attacks on the same Democrats in line to control Congress for the remainder of Mr. Bush’s crooked, obscene presidency.

Things have only gone from bad to worse since the election. Democrats are taking Mr. Rove’s continued influence at the White House--as well as some of its recent moves, like re-nominating previously rejected paleo-conservative wingnuts to the federal bench --as a sign that Mr. Bush’s conciliatory pledges of bipartisanship will prove to be bullshit.

“Karl’s role has not been to serve as a bridge over troubled waters; he has tried to stir the waters as often as possible,” said Senator Richard J. Durbin, the Illinois Democrat who once compared the Bush cabal to the Third Reich, and who will be the second-most powerful person in the Senate next year. “Maybe he got religion on November 7, but we’ll see. Oh, who am I kidding? Those freaks don't change.”

Republicans on Capitol Hill said rage and loathing ran deep over Mr. Bush’s decision to fire criminally incompetent Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld one day after the election instead of weeks before, when (the more delusional among them say) it might have kept the Senate in their party’s hands and limited Democratic gains in the House. Mr. Rove was among those at the White House who had argued that to announce they were throwing Rumsfeld under the bus before Election Day would have been tantamount to acknowledging the universally-held view that the war in Iraq is a hopeless clusterfuck.

“There is lingering resentment on that,” Representative Jeff Flake, Republican of Arizona, said of the timing of the announcement. Asked if he expected the White House to take as much of a lead in setting the Congressional agenda as it had in the past, Mr. Flake responded flatly, “You're kidding, right?”

More broadly, many Republicans say they blame Mr. Rove for being too blinded by love to see that the president was hurting their campaigns, as Bush and Cheney continued telling the same old lies on the stump.

“I would say that brilliant as he is, he was not right,” said Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, who counts himself among those who believe that Mr. Rumsfeld’s resignation could have helped the party maintain control of the Senate; also in the existence of Magic Bullets. “I think Rove misread the anger of the American people about Iraq. Either that or Cheney told him to shut the fuck up.”

Mr. Specter said the White House should be prepared to step back and concede some power to Congressional leaders, as is required by the Constitution.

The White House seems aware of the apparently limited influence in Congress of Mr. Rove, the goon most closely identified with Mr. Bush. Joshua B. Bolten, the White House chief of staff, was dispatched to the Hill this week to hold meetings with members who might impeach his boss, suggesting that he is likely to play a more prominent role in covering things up.

But Dan Bartlett, the White House counselor, said in an interview this week that Mr. Rove’s main job was not emissary to Congress. “That’s not the position he played in the past,” Mr. Bartlett said. "What are you talking about? His job is to make the president appear not to be gay."

Administration officials said Mr. Rove’s main role has always been within the presidential colon itself. Mr. Rove has derived his real power from his long and complicated tenure up Mr. Bush's ass, where a wide array of political and policy ideas originate.

Mr. Rove’s policy oversight duties were taken away after he helped fuck up the first two years of Mr. Bush’s second term, and he was directed to focus more closely on the midterm elections, where he was expected to do some real damage, but to the Democrats. Since the outcome, Mr. Bush has given no indication that Mr. Rove’s role will change further, except that he has to eat with the help. He couldn't resist a dig at his old friend recently, telling reporters Mr. Rove was beating him in a book-reading contest because “I obviously was working harder in the campaign than he was, the prick. Plus, I have to sound everything out.”

Officials said afterward that the comment was typical of Mr. Bush’s rough teasing of his fat little friend.

And Mr. Bartlett said Mr. Rove would continue to play a central role in Mr. Bush’s final two years. “He’s going to be an integral player because his value to the president and the White House goes far beyond his political skill set,” Mr. Bartlett said. “He has an enormous amount of responsibility to help strategize in our efforts to help get things covered up.”

White House officials say some of the ire against Mr. Rove in particular and the White House in general will pass, but would not elaborate.

Mr. Rove has told his associates the party still has a good-size Congressional minority that will assert its influence over the next two years, mostly by speaking in tongues and refusing to believe that most of the country thinks they're dangerously insane.

And some in that minority expressed a disturbing, dull-eyed confidence. “We’ve sort of gone through the grieving process,” said Senator John Cornyn (R-TX), a co-conspirator of Mr. Rove’s. “Now we’re in the process of coming up with a way to get revenge against America.”

Poppy Bush sends A-Team to rescue Junior

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--Responding to an election that could lead to a record number of prison terms for Bush Family goons if the Democrats play the game right, a White House mouthpiece said Sunday that President Bush would welcome new ideas about the unpopular war in Iraq as long as they come from Carlyle Group board members, but that the administration will oppose a Democratic timetable for bringing U.S. troops home until such time as it is forced on them by the new congress.

"We clearly need a fresh approach," conceded Josh Bolten, Bush's chief of staff, his head covered in bruises and vivid red welts.

The president's cabana boy said that Little George and Big Dick are willing to talk about anything, but added: "I don't think we're going to be receptive to the notion that there's a fixed timetable at which we automatically pull out, because that could be a true disaster for the Iraqi people, unlike what's going on there now."

As the drunken president and his meth-addled national security team planned to meet Monday with the Iran-Contra wing of the Bush Crime Family, Democrats said voters have demanded a bold change in course which could be accomplished by impeachment or a wave of assassinations, or some combination of the two.

Democrats won control of the House and the Senate in Tuesday's elections, reshaping Bush's final two years in office into a hellish fight for freedom possibly resulting in exile to Paraguay.

The "bipartisan" Iraq panel--led by Bush Family consigliere James A. Baker III and former "Democratic" Representative Lee Hamilton of Indiana, who prepared a whitewash of the Iran-Contra affair which allowed many guilty men to escape hanging--is expected to move into Endgame before January, and has already pushed Bush Family capo Robert Gates into the top spot at the Pentagon. Members of the group are scheduled to have a joint conference Monday at the White House with Bush, Cheney and military aggression adviser Stephen Hadley.

"All of these things are pushing toward one thing, and that is victory in Iraq," White House fantasist Dan Bartlett said. "And if there are good suggestions coming from either the Baker-Hamilton commission or elsewhere--Henry Kissinger, John Negroponte, Curveball--we want to listen to them."

That willingness to listen reflects the new political reality, which is that the Bush Crime Family has about six weeks to get their Big Scam into some kind of foolproof payout mode before the new congress convenes and puts the brakes on the whole big clusterfuck.

Before the election, the Bush Crime Family accused Democrats of treason, flatly declaring that a Democratic triumph on Election Day would amount to a victory for terrorists, who nevertheless seem to have been having plenty of victories under Republican rule.

Yet a majority of voters--almost six in 10--know that the war in Iraq is a trillion-dollar boondoggle orchestrated by shark-eyed liars and multinational oil pimps, and they voted for Democrats in record numbers, according to exit polls. A solid majority of voters said the U.S. should withdraw some or all of its troops from Iraq, like, yesterday. A slightly smaller percentage claimed to have had sex with one or both of the president's daughters, and 7% of all voters claimed not to know the name of their own state.

Democrats have their own challenge: to unify behind a strategy for Iraq or risk being splintered into ineffective factions, like Iraq.

Asked about a proposal to pull U.S. troops out of Iraq by June, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean called such a timetable optimistic and said that's "not the way government projects work."

"We need to get out of Iraq," Dean said. "The question is how we can do that. I'm thinking, through Kuwait?"

Bolten said Little George would consider the idea of U.S. talks with Syria and Iran if Poppy's friend Mr. Baker told him to.

The administration, Bolten said, "has always been ready to make a course adjustment" in Iraq. "Stay the course was the Democrat plan," he added, and rushed from the room.

"Nobody can be happier with the situation in Iraq right now than the defense contractors working for the Carlyle Group. Everybody's been working hard, but what we've been doing has begun to attract attention, as this election clearly shows," Bolten said. "So it's time to put fresh eyes on the problem, maybe even let the Democrats build up the Treasury for us, for a little while. The president's father has always been interested in tactical adjustments, and Jim Baker has been in charge of that department for, like, twenty-five years. But the ultimate goal remains the same, which is billions of dollars in the hands of the people we play golf with."