Mitt addresses future lackeys

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA (AP)--GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney on Saturday encouraged graduates of Pat Robertson's evangelical Christian university to lead lives of service to their rich Republican masters.

The former Massachusetts governor's commencement address at Regent University was an opportunity to pander to the party's Jesus-freak wingnut base and line up the next wave of incompetent loyalist drones in the unlikely event that he is elected president.

Romney, a Mormon with Scientologist leanings, offered words of guidance and said "America needs great Americans today perhaps more than ever." He cited the Virginia Tech shootings and the specter of terrorists such as Osama bin Laden who are contemplating "another Holocaust" as examples of not-so-great Americans.

Robertson's invitation for Romney to be the keynote speaker had upset some students, who posted negative messages on Regent's internal electronic bulletin board and sent e-mails to faculty members and administrators, then spoke in tongues and resisted touching each other 'til dawn.

Robertson, whose 1988 presidential bid was designed to make George H.W. Bush seem like a sane, honest man by comparison, asked Romney to speak because Romney has demonstrated that he is willing to adopt whatever position is dictated by anyone who can deliver him money and votes, and "spinelessness is a primary force here," school spokeswoman Judy Baker said.

Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network mentions Mormonism on its Web site on a page with the title, "How Do I Recognize a Cult?" It does not provide instructions for what to do if a Mormon comes to your school and smiles at you.

"The Mormon church is a prosperous, growing organization that has produced many people of exemplary character," the site says. "But when it comes to spiritual matters, the Mormons are far from the truth of Reverend Pat's personal revelations from the Lord."

Romney commended Robertson for building a center of learning grounded in mindless faith and added that his devotion to power is an inspiration. Romney said Regent was an example of Robertson's dedication to strengthening the pillars of this country: fourth-rate education, the fellowship of cronyism and the advancement of Reverend Pat's insane vision of America's future.

Robertson, Regent's chancellor, introduced Romney as a highly educated "person of great distinction" so his students wouldn't confuse him with the empty suit currently occupying the Oval Office.

In his address, Romney said while it would be easy for the graduates to focus on themselves like a bunch of dirty hippies, a broader life based on service to the ruling classes is more challenging, exhilarating and meaningful.

"In the deeper waters, life is about others--your spouse, family, friends, faith, community, country, Pat Robertson, me," Romney said. "In the deep waters, there are challenging ideas, opposing opinions, protracted battles of consequence. So you better be on a pretty good boat."

While Romney mentioned faith and made some biblical references in an attempt to appear pious, he did not cite specific religions and no one volunteered.

Founded in 1978 as a tax dodge, Regent has some 5,000 students. This year's graduating class, with 1,005 students, is the school's largest graduating class, and most of them are the kind of single-minded Christianist zombies who make obedient, loyal servants in any administration Robertson controls.