Dead horse beaten

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--Republican presidential candidate and noted paleo-conservative moron Sam Brownback said Social Security can be made much more lucrative for the financial services industry with private savings accounts, a stance President Bush used to alienate the electorate shortly after his second term began.

"The funds, instead of going into the government treasury bonds they've been going into since 1935, are going into personal accounts that will be invested in the stock market, creating capital for investment brokers and growth for Wall Street and economic activity, such as income redistribution," Brownback said in an interview Thursday.

"This would reduce the size of the federal government overall," he said, but couldn't explain how or why you'd want to.

Brownback is well-liked among bigots and Christianists because of his hatred of gay people, science and choice. But he wants to be thought of as a friend to millionaire tax cheats, too.

Under his plan, people could choose to remain in the old system if they're so easily impressed by the way it's been working perfectly for so many decades, but young people would automatically get private retirement accounts as they enter the work force, assuming there's still a work force.

A grim future looms for Social Security, according to the Republicans who have been trying to dismantle it since shortly after it issued its first benefits. As post-World War II baby boomers begin retiring, the system won't collect enough taxes to pay for retirement benefits unless tiny adjustments are made, such as raising the salary cap from $90K to $120K. Without these tiny adjustments, which white millionaires see as the moral equivalent of slavery, the government might have to raise taxes or reduce benefits to pay for the system, possibly sometime in the next fifty years.

Brownback would raise money to pay for the shortfall by having the Treasury Department issue securities, because Republicans don't believe in paying for anything up front if there's a chance of getting someone else's grandchildren to pay for it later.

Brownback said that even in the most volatile years, the rate of return on stock investments is positive, but was unable to explain how breaking the fund into millions and millions of private accounts would benefit anyone but financial planners.