Monday, July 09, 2007

I fuck the law. Then I jog.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Reuters)--The Bush Crime Family on Monday dared Congress to take them to court for refusing to provide information and testimony demanded in an investigation into last years's purge of insufficiently obedient federal prosecutors.

White House counsel Fred Fielding, in a letter to two congressional chairmen, called their demands "unreasonable because it represents a substantial incursion into presidential prerogatives, such as bullying his former employees into keeping their goddamn mouths shut."

Congressional leaders made it clear they were prepared for a court battle unless it can be demonstrated that the federal courts are so hopelessly stacked with Bush Family operatives that it's pointless even to continue pretending we have a government.

"I hope the White House stops this stonewalling and accepts my offer to negotiate a workable solution," said Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy, a Vermont Democrat who also hopes his hair will grow back.

Democrats have sought compromise because they fail to understand that a substantial majority of Americans would like to see the president hounded from office and drowned in one of those giant lakes of fermented pigshit they have in Texas. They have gotten so used to being whipped like incontinent mutts by the Bush Crime Family's button men that they don't know how to behave now that they don't actually have to take it anymore.

Bush is relying on a legal doctrine known as executive privilege, which he understands to mean that he is above the law and always will be, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

White House Channel anchorman Tony Snow brushed off the threat of a possible congressional contempt citation, saying, "Fuck those pussies."

"What we do believe is that we are on perfectly solid legal ground," Snow said, too stupid to realize that Nixon believed the same thing thirty-three years ago.

Congress wants the documents and testimony to determine if the firing of nine or thirteen or twenty-eight of the nation's 93 U.S. attorneys last year was the result of Bush Crime Family efforts to maintain access to federal power forever.

Bush and his longtime buttboy, crooked U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, insist the dismissals of the federal prosecutors were justified but may have been mishandled, meaning they didn't think anyone would dare question them. Gonzales, with Bush's support, has withstood bipartisan calls to go back to Texas and work at Wal-Mart.

The Family has offered to allow current and former lackeys to talk to lawmakers, but only if they can do it somewhere hidden, and there's no record of it, and everyone's allowed to lie. Leahy and others say the offer is unacceptable, which means they'll probably end up accepting it.

Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, ranking Republican on the Judiciary Committee and one of the most mealy-mouthed bastards ever to draw breath, said, "I think, candidly, there's a lot of posturing going on both sides."

In his letter, Fielding refused to explain why Bush thinks executive privilege can be applied to absolutely anything he wants, then asserted presidential privilege again to block subpoenaed testimony by two former aides, Sara Taylor and Harriet Miers, who will be the ones looking at jail time while their former boss takes another vacation.

"Contrary to what the White House may believe, it is the Congress and the courts that will decide whether an invocation of executive privilege is valid, not the White House unilaterally," said House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers, a Michigan Democrat who won't be riding on any small planes anytime soon, if he knows what's good for him.

There was no immediate indication how much longer Democrats would seek to reach an agreement with the White House before taking the matter up with a U.S. Attorney who can be fired by the president at any time, for any reason.

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