Monday, January 15, 2007

Fuck you, I'm in charge

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--President Bush grudgingly concedes he isn't quite as popular as a combination of Clint Eastwood and Jesus Christ should be, and that the war in Iraq isn't properly appreciated by the weak, traitorous American public. None of that changes his view that more U.S. troops are needed to keep the war in Iraq going until he can leave office and dump it on the next guy.

Digging in for confrontation, Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney say they will not budge from sending more U.S. troops to Iraq no matter how much Congress, the American people, senior military analysts or the United Nations oppose it.

"I fully understand they could try to stop me, using the Constitution or the 'rule of law' or some shit like that," Bush said of the Democrat-run Congress. "But I'm the decider and I've made my decision, and we're going forward with our new way forward."

As the president tried to talk tough, like the dry-drunk, filthy rich ex-cheerleader he is, lawmakers pledged to explore ways to stop him.

"We need to look at what options we have available to constrain this idiot," said Democratic Senator Barack Obama of Illinois, a possible White House candidate in 2008. Democrats remain wary, though, of appearing unsupportive of American troops while trying to keep them from dying uselessly.

A defiant Cheney, meanwhile, said Democrats offered criticism without offering to take the blame. He pointedly reminded lawmakers that Bush is commander in chief, and they are scum.

"You cannot run a war by committee," the vice president said of congressional input. "Those people need to go fuck themselves."

Bush gave his first interview from Camp David, airing Sunday night on CBS' 60 Minutes. It was his second prime-time opportunity in five days to explain why he thinks adding more U.S. troops to the meat-grinder in Iraq for the fifth time since the invasion will work this time. He addressed the nation from the White House last Wednesday evening, clearly resentful of the need to do so.

"Some of my drinking buddies in Texas say, 'You know, let them towel-heads fight it out. What business is it of ours?'" Bush said of Iraqis. "And that's a temptation that I know a lot of people feel. But if we do not succeed in Iraq over there, we will leave behind a Middle East which will endanger America over here."

Yet when asked if he owes the Iraqi people an apology for botching the management of the war, he said, "Fuck, no."

"We liberated that country from a tyrant who killed almost as many people as we have," Bush said. "I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude, and we aim to collect."

Bush announced last week he will send 21,500 more troops to Iraq as an essential step toward stabilizing the country's government, while failing to acknowledge that this has never worked before.

Democrats in Congress--and a shitload of Republicans, actually--were unimpressed and frustrated. Beyond promising to go on record in opposition to the president's approach, the Democratic leadership is considering whether, and how, to cut off funding for additional troops.

"You don't like to micromanage the Defense Department, but we have to, in this case, because they're insane," said Representative John Murtha, a Pennsylvania Democrat who helps oversee military funding.

GOP Senator John McCain of Arizona, a potential 2008 presidential contender who sucks up to the president at every opportunity, said symbolic votes to express disapproval were pointless, and he's right for once.

"If they're dead serious then we should have a motion to cut off funding," he said, pretending that Senator Kennedy (D-MA) hasn't already introduced legislation to bring our mad-dog president to heel.

The Bush administration had hoped that the president's strategy of pretending this had never been tried before would lead to some bipartisan unity or that the White House would at least get an extended hearing before legislative leaders made up their minds that this was just more of the same old bullshit.

In the CBS interview, Bush rejected an assertion that, time and again, his administration has outright lied to the American people about Iraq.

"I really am not the kind of guy that sits here and says, 'Oh gosh, I'm worried about my legacy,'" Bush said. "I'm much more interested in my inheritance."

The president also said he saw part of the Internet-aired video of the execution of Saddam Hussein, which showed Shi'ite death-squad members in ski-masks and leather jackets taunting Saddam with the name of Moqtada al-Sadr as he stood with a noose around his neck on the gallows. He said it could have been handled a lot better, but at least they didn't cut his head off.

Bush said he got no particular satisfaction from seeing Saddam hang. "I'm not a revengeful person," he said. "Although he did try to murderize my Dad."

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