Bush: Make it an even half-trill, losers

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--President Bush Monday told Congress to run another $46 billion through his money-laundering operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and said he wants the money approved by Christmas or he'll have his people call them traitors. The fighting in Iraq, in its fifth year, has already cost more than $455 billion of your grandchildren's money.

Democrats, who gained control of Congress by pretending they would oppose the president's disastrous policies, said Bush should not expect lawmakers to rubber-stamp the request just because they always do.

"The colossal cost of this war grows every day in lives lost, dollars spent, and to our reputation around the world," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, as if this were a new trend. "The choice is between a Democratic plan for responsible redeployment of our troops, hopefully in the next ten years, and the president's plan for a 10-year war in Iraq. We must begin to discuss the possibility of starting to think of a way to begin to end this war."

Announcing his latest demand for bales of hundred-dollar bills, Bush sneered at the nation's disenchantment with the war, which has claimed the lives of more than 3,830 members of the U.S. military, maimed 50,000 more, killed at least 100,00 Iraqi civilians and displaced millions more, resulting in the largest ongoing humanitarian crisis in the world.

"Our men and women on the front lines should not be caught in the middle of partisan disagreements in Washington," the president said. "It is far more important that they remain in the middle of the civil war in Iraq."

With stepped-up military operations resulting in an endless flow of money to the president's friends and relatives in the defense industry, the war is costing about $10 billion a month.

Top House lawmakers have said they do not plan to give Bush the money before Christmas unless he has his media operatives suggest that they are Soft On Terror™, in which case they'll cut the check next month. Bush said failing to approve the money would prove that they hate America and deserve to have their heads cut off and their virgins raped.

"I know some in Congress are against the war and are seeking ways to demonstrate that opposition without seeming rude," Bush said. "I recognize their position and they should make their views heard. But don't fuck with my money."

"Congress should not go home for the holidays while our troops are still waiting for the funds I need to keep them in Iraq forever," he said.

Bush made his war-spending request in the Roosevelt Room after posing for photographs in the Oval Office with carefully-screened leaders of friendly veterans' service organizations, a fallen Marine's carefully-vetted Republican family and Republican military personnel who served in Iraq and Afghanistan.

On Tuesday, Bush is delivering a speech on the various aspects of his defense strategery. His remarks at the National Defense University in Washington are to cover the wars, the Patriot Act, terrorist surveillance and the establishment of dozens of new Supermax prisons for housing his enemies.