Monday, December 18, 2006

Nukular proliferation opportunity! Call 1-800-CARLYLE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--In a craven attempt to knock Iraq off the front page for a cycle or two, President Bush on Monday signed a civilian nuclear deal with India, allowing fuel and know-how to be shipped to the world's largest democracy even though it has not submitted to full international inspections or embraced his white Christian god.

"The bill will help keep America safe by paving the way for India to join the global effort to stop the spread of nukular weapons by allowing our corporations to ship direct instead of through the black market in Pakistan, where things are often stolen by the enemies of our illegal atomic puppet dictator there," Bush said, seemingly unaware that he was speaking out loud.

The bill carves out another special Bush Crime Family exemption in U.S. law to allow civilian nuclear trade with India in exchange for some kind of paper trail indicating some kind of safeguards and inspections at its 14 civilian nuclear plants. Eight military plants would remain off-limits, providing profit for a layer of in-country middlemen.

"This is an important achievement for the whole world. After 30 years outside the system, India will now operate its civilian nukular energy program under internationally accepted guidelines and the world is going to be safer as a result," Bush said in a bill-signing ceremony at the White House. "And their military can do whatever they want, so there's yer no-bids."

Critics complain that the measure undermines efforts to curb the spread of nuclear weapons and technology and could spark a nuclear arms race in Asia, and endlessly piss and moan because India still refuses to sign the Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty, and bitch, bitch, bitch all fucking day long because the deal undermines efforts to prevent states like Iran and North Korea from acquiring nuclear weapons.

The Bush Family argued it was a good deal because it would provide international oversight for part of a program that has been secret since India entered the nuclear age in 1974, while keeping the really profitable part secret. The deal also could be a boon for American companies that have been illegally selling reactors and material to India and can't possibly launder this much money too much longer.

"India's economy has more than doubled its size since 1991 and it is one of the fastest-growing markets for American exports," Bush said. "This will legalize some of them."

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