Monday, February 19, 2007

Monday morning holiday gibberish

MT. VERNON, VA (AP)--President Bush honored the 275th birthday of the nation's first president on Monday by pretending that similarities exist between George Washington's ultimate victory in the American Revolution and the Bush Crime Family's ongoing catastrophic failure in Iraq.

"Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life as colonizers of the Middle East," said Bush, standing in front of Washington's home above the Potomac River.

"And as we work to advance the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that our revolution had to be fought here because we couldn't afford to fight it over there."

Bush chose the national Presidents Day holiday to defile Mount Vernon for the first time in his presidency. He and pill-addled first lady Laura Bush helped lay a wreath at Washington's tomb, then the president tried out some new material from a platform on the bowling green lawn of the estate.

"I feel right at home here. After all, this is the home of the first George W. I thank President Washington for welcoming us today. He doesn't look a day over 275 years old," Bush said, his nasty, shit-eating smirk forcing strained, awkward laughter from the assembled buttboys and second-stringers.

Washington was born on Feb. 22, 1732.

"On the field of battle, Washington's insurgent forces were challenging occupation by a foreign army, and the ragged Continental Army lost more battles than it won, suffered waves of desertions, and were kept from disaster only through their rugged determination to be free of the hated occupier at any cost. George Washington's calm hand and determination kept the cause of independence and the principles of our Declaration alive, by simply outlasting and bankrupting his foreign oppressors," Bush raved, speaking to several hundred people who couldn't imagine where he was going with this.

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