Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Tired old man declares candidacy again

MANCHESTER, N.H. (Reuters)--Faced with questions about his incipient senility and rabid support for the clusterfuck in Iraq, John McCain emphasized his decades of experience as a GOP whore in a vain attempt to breathe fresh life into his crippled presidential campaign on Wednesday in New Hampshire.

On a cool, rainy afternoon in the state with the heaviest concentration of Republicans east of Ohio, where the first presidential primary election of 2008 will be held in January, the 70-year-old senator formally launched his bid to succeed the hysterically incompetent and genetically evil George W. Bush as president.

If McCain had a chance in hell of winning, he would be the oldest person ever elected president. Ronald Reagan was 69 when the Bush Crime Family stole the election for him in 1980, and didn't begin to exhibit McCain-style brain damage until his second term.

McCain wore a dark sweater and no tie, in the mistaken belief that it would make him appear less feeble. He has little choice but to confront the age question head on as he takes on a much younger Republican field that includes fascist former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who has now overtaken him in most national polls, and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, who has more money than McCain could count if he lived to be 100.

"We face formidable challenges, I'm not afraid of them. I'm prepared for them. I'm not the youngest candidate. But I am the oldest," he told a crowd of several hundred unemployed Libertarians in Portsmouth.

McCain is trying to recreate the magic of his 2000 campaign, when he beat Bush in New Hampshire by 18 percentage points and then had his bony ass handed to him in South Carolina after a Bush Family telephone push-poll smeared him as a race-traitor for having a brown baby in his house. His bus is still hilariously labeled the "Straight Talk Express," in spite of the senator's increasing reliance on his ability to mutter distractedly out of both sides of his mouth.

Talking to reporters on the ride to Manchester, McCain acknowledged that his age is an issue.

"I've got to show the energy and vitality and strength that is necessary to convince people that I'm ready to go, that I'm ready to serve, so of course it's an issue," he said, before lapsing into a fitful, drooling slumber.

Apart from his age and his inability to remember what his position on any given issue was ten minutes ago, a leading reason McCain's campaign is doomed is his incomprehensible continuing support for the Bush Family's war in Iraq, at a time when most Americans have realized that the whole thing was a hideous, criminal mistake.

"We all know that the war in Iraq has not gone well. We've made mistakes and we have paid grievously for them," he said. "We have changed the strategy that failed us by repeating it, and we're hoping for a different outcome this time."

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