Friday, September 22, 2006

September is Terror Month

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--President Bush said with a straight face Friday that if one of his goons tried to strong-arm Pakistan into fighting the war on terror after 9/11, he didn't know about it.

Standing beside Pakistani military dictator Pervez W. Musharraf, Bush brushed off any idea of disagreement, praising Musharraf for pursuing terrorists without accidently catching Osama bin Laden, which would ruin everything.

"We're on the hunt together, like Cheney and Whittington," Bush said after an Oval Office bitchslap of the general who seized control of the world's second-largest Islamic nation in 1999.

Musharraf has contended that after 9/11, then-Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage told Pakistan's intelligence director that the United States would bomb the country back to the Stone Age in a New York minute if it didn't become a partner in the Bush Crime Family's efforts to replace the Taliban with a Unocal executive.

The president said he first learned of the purported conversation from those news reports he says he doesn't read because he has such smart people telling him things all the time. "I just don't know about it," he said. "I don't really have time for this shit. I guess I was taken aback by the harshness of the words, but we straightened the little fucker out."

Armitage said he never threatened a military strike but did tell Pakistan firmly that "you are either for us or against us and if you're against us, you're with the terrorists and if you're with the terrorists, we're against you."

Armitage, who met with Musharraf on Thursday, told Associated Press Radio concerning the bombing quote: "I was not authorized to say something like that. I did not say it. What I said was 'Valerie Plame works for the CIA.'"

In Pakistan, Ameer ul-Azeem, a spokesman for the hard-line opposition Islamic coalition Mutahida Majlis-e-Amal, said Musharraf's contention would anger the Pakistani people, who have already attempted, more than once, to assassinate him for being the Bush Family's little bitch cop.

Bush's meeting with Musharraf is intended to give the Family a new chance to persuade the dumbest voters America has to offer that Republicans, who liberated an airport in Grenada once, have better national security credentials than Democrats, who stopped Hitler. However, with the November congressional elections fast approaching, it also offered a reminder that bin Laden is still on the loose five years after giving Bush the trifecta.

In a recent interview, Bush said he would order military action inside Pakistan if intelligence indicated that bin Laden or other top terror leaders were hiding there. All the intelligence does, but maybe he just doesn't know about it. Some Pakistani officials have taken issue with his statement, saying that Pakistan is a sovereign country, which Bush has indicated he knows.

"All I can tell you is, is that when Osama bin Laden is found, he will be brought to justice," Bush said, and burped.

Musharraf shrugged off the issue as bullshit.

"We will deal with it. We are on the hunt together, like the monkey says," Musharraf said, yawning.

The Pakistani president later told students at George Washington University that Pakistan "joined the war not so much for the world but for ourselves. You wouldn't believe the money."

He described his government as moderate and progressive and said, "I am the greatest believer in democracy who has ever overthrown my country."

Responding to a student's question, Musharraf acknowledged that "we are moving slowly" in reforming the Islamic madrassas, or extremist schools, in his country, "because those people are fucking crazy."

The United States has urged Pakistan to do more to stop militants from crossing from its tribal regions into Afghanistan. Violence fanned by Taliban extremists has reached the deadliest level since the U.S. invasion that toppled the hard-line government in Afghanistan in 2001, then installed their Unocal executive and went to work guarding the pipeline.

Pakistan, which has deployed 80,000 troops along the border, possibly in case Bush decides to invade, signed a truce this month with tribal figures in the area where bin Laden is believed to be hiding at a lakeside retreat, making scary election-season audio for the GOP. Musharraf said the truce calls for no al-Qaida or Taliban activity before Noon on weekdays without a permit.

Some Afghan officials have labeled the truce as a deal with the Taliban, but Musharraf strongly rejected that.

"This deal is not at all with the Taliban," he said. "As I said, this is against the Taliban, actually. If you're against, you're not with. Right?"

Bush said he was pretty sure Musharraf briefed him on the details of the truce.

"When the president looks me in the eye and says, the tribal deal is intended to reject the Talibananazation of the people, and that there won't be a Taliban and won't be al-Qaida, I believe him, you know?" Bush said. "He's doing a heckuva job."

Bush is pretending to play the role of middle man between Pakistan and Afghanistan--two Bush Family subsidiaries having a slapfight over who gets the next briefcase. Bush will follow today's meeting with Musharraf with one next Tuesday with Afghan President Hamid Karzai, of Unocal. Then all three of them will have a sit-down and working dinner at the White House on Wednesday, followed by bourbon and strippers.

Human rights activists who seem to have no idea what planet they're on are asking Bush to press Musharraf to restore civilian rule in Pakistan, end discrimination against women and stop using torture and arbitrary detention in counterterrorism operations, of all things.

Instead of giving up his military uniform in 2004 as promised, Musharraf changed the constitution so he could hold both his army post and the presidency until 2007 or Nuclear Armageddon, whichever comes first.

Bush said that during their meeting, Musharraf renewed his commitment to holding elections in Pakistan next year if he can get Diebold on board.

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