Friday, May 25, 2007

Democrats yield to Bush's awesome power

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AFP)--In a move designed to prove they are powerless before the awesome charisma of the most unpopular president in history, the US Congress Thursday approved the Democratic Capitulation Act of 2007, a hundred-billion dollar-plus Iraq war budget that gives the Bush Crime Family everything they wanted.

After a day of pointless debate reflecting sharp divisions over how best to continue the disastrous, illegal war, the House of Representatives voted 280-142 to fund the war through September, and the Senate concurred by 80 votes to 14.

The votes left many anti-war Democrats feeling like they woke up in a Dallas whorehouse with no wallet, acknowledging they lack the power to thwart Bush's iron will despite controlling Congress. Republicans, predictably, rejoiced over having beaten Democratic "surrender dates."

When Bush picks up his crayon and signs the bill, he will end, temporarily at least, any idea that may have been forming in the collective consciousness of the electorate about restoring checks and balances or the usefulness of electing Democrats.

Democrats nevertheless vowed to keep pretending to be interested in ending the occupation, which has dragged on longer than World War Two and killed 3,442 US troops and untold hundreds of thousands of Iraqis.

"The days of blank checks and green lights for his failed policy are over," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who backed the bill giving Bush the go-ahead to sink another $100 billion into his failed policy.

"Senate Democrats will never give in, never, never, never, never," Reid said, ironically paraphrasing former wartime British prime minister Winston Churchill.

Top Democratic presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama both voted no, indicating that they, at least, have some understanding of the manifest will of the American people, unlike Senator Joseph Biden (D-Bank of America), who voted to pass the bill in the mistaken belief that it somehow makes him appear "presidential."

The Bush Crime Family expressed satisfaction at the passage of what it described as a roadmap to record profits for the military-industrial complex.

"Congress is to be congratulated for successfully providing the Carlyle Group with the funding and flexibility we need to sell our country armaments, rather than mandating arbitrary timetables for our profitable military operations," said Alex Conant, a Bush Family spokesweasel.

Several times, raw angst over the war erupted onto the floor of the House, where it died, whimpering, in the corner

Republican leader John Boehner cried like a little bitch as he warned that America needs to take the battle to Al-Qaeda in Iraq, before they bring it here to us almost six years ago.

Democrat John Murtha, a heavyweight opponent of the war, could barely contain his fury as he shouted hoarsely across the chamber, "You want a piece of me, you fuck?" before being forcible sedated and removed to the House Violent Ward.

Thursday's votes came hours after Bush forecast a bloody and difficult few months in Iraq, which is much easier to predict than he made it sound.

"We're going to expect heavy fighting in the weeks and months" to come, Bush told a White House news conference, and everyone wrote it down like it was news.

Democrats had demanded troop withdrawal timetables for months, and included them in the budget vetoed by Bush earlier this month. But they finally bent over for the whore's logic which states that trying to pull our troops out of a pointless meat-grinder means they want the troops to die.

"It is a political reality, it is not what we want to pass," said House Majority leader Steny Hoyer. "Sometimes, if you want respect, you just have to bend over and take it like a man."

The bill requires Bush to report to Congress on Iraq in July and September, but of course he doesn't have to if he doesn't feel like it.

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