Sunday, May 27, 2007

Too stupid to live

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP)--Republican presidential candidate and Alzheimer's poster boy John McCain, comparing the disastrous U.S. occupation of Iraq to actual military campaigns like the Normandy invasion, said Saturday the current plan is the only decent option.

The Arizona senator has criticized Democrats for failing to consider the consequences of withdrawing troops, such as admitting to the world that the policies he has supported for four years never had a chance of working.

McCain said in a rambling, incoherent interview with The Associated Press that he is only focused on figuring out how to make the current military plan work after four years of devastating failure. A new course, he said, won't be considered until the end of the year, when Republican congressmen up for re-election start freaking out in public.

"I believe that General Eisenhower didn't have a Plan B at Normandy, and I don't think that General Grant had a Plan B when he decided to take Richmond," said McCain, too stupid to realize that those battles were part of actual wars overseen by actual Commanders-In-Chief who actually died winning them.

He urged the American people to keep giving "Plan A" a chance, noting that the full five brigades that make up the most recent useless escalation have not all arrived in Iraq, largely due to a shortage of battle-ready prosthetic limbs.

Several Republicans have said that they will give the buildup until the end of the summer to work, but McCain said his organic brain damage makes him more patient.

"I have tried to discourage my Republican colleagues from saying that September is some kind of seminal moment," said McCain. "I am aware the American people are frustrated. I share that frustration. I don't think the American people are aware of the consequences of failure. Believe me, failure is something I know about."

While McCain again assailed Democrats for wanting to "retreat and abandon the battlefield," which is what Republicans call it when rational people admit failure and try to do something about it, he acknowledged that he faces political limbo as the war he loves grows increasingly unpopular.

"But if we fail in Iraq, this country's going to have a whole lot more problems than my political ambitions and future," McCain said, apparently unaware that this country has had bigger problems than his political ambitions ever since his political ambitions were sidelined by the Bush Crime Family seven years ago.

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