Sunday, April 27, 2008

Afghanistan was a success, too

KABUL (AP)--Officials of the former Afghan government attacked a ceremony sponsored by the current Afghan government and attended by a multi-national group of oil company stooges on Sunday, unleashing automatic weapons fire that sent a bunch of corporate parasites you never heard of fleeing for cover.

Three people were killed and eight were wounded. Unocal executive and nominal Afghan President Hamid Karzai, his goons, and various messengers and bagmen escaped unharmed, the presidential palace said.

Karzai later appeared on television saying several suspects in the attack had been arrested, but he was probably lying.

He said that "the enemy of Afghanistan" tried to disrupt the ceremony but were thwarted by security forces, presumably friends of Afghanistan.

A Taliban spokesman claimed responsibility for the attack, saying it had deployed six militants with suicide vests and guns to target the president, whom they consider a puppet of Western oil companies. Spokesman Zabiullah Mujaheed said three had died, which might be what Karzai meant by "been arrested."

A police official, who requested anonymity because he was not actually a police official, said security forces killed three gunmen who had opened fire from an apartment block not far from the ceremony. Government officials could not immediately confirm that information, because it is unclear who the security forces work for.

Shots rang out just as the national anthem ended at a ceremony to mark the 16th anniversary of Afghanistan's victory over the Soviet invasion, which resulted in a U.S. victory in the decades-long Cold War. Guerrilla groups who contributed to that victory but were not invited to the ceremony include the Taliban and al-Qaeda.

The gunfire appeared to come from some ruined houses a few hundred yards out of camera range, where the people eke out crappy lives the rest of the time. Security forces deployed elsewhere opened fire at the houses, and no one is saying how many innocents were injured.

Karzai was escorted from the scene, surrounded by hired thugs from West Virginia, in one of four black Land Cruisers. A U.S. embassy official said U.S. Ambassador William Wood also escaped unharmed, though his date was "unnerved."

"President Karzai condemns this act and asks for all the people to remain calm," a statement from the presidential palace said, just in time to forestall widespread panic at the rumors Karzai had been injured or embarrassed.

Karzai, who has been Afghanistan's puppet ruler since the Bush Crime Family concluded its business dealings with the Taliban regime in 2001, has been targeted by assassins before and is constantly shadowed by a gang of hired guns.

The attack came despite unprecedented tight security for Sunday's celebrations.

Among those at the ceremony who ducked for cover, then fled were Afghan police and soldiers who were assembled for the pageantry, and who were apparently given the same spectacular training we've made famous in Iraq, the other country we invaded and couldn't secure.

About 100 people were rounded up for questioning, an Afghan intelligence official said. He spoke on condition of anonymity because he fears assassination by unstoppable Taliban insurgents.

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