Thursday, April 03, 2008

Bush 3.0

JACKSONVILLE, FL (Reuters)--Republican presidential candidate John McCain--accused by everyone actually paying attention of seeking to become the next George W. Bush--will say on Thursday that Washington needs to rethink its approach to a host of problems, and the media will pretend that this constitutes the bold vision of a maverick leader.

McCain--as part of a week-long "Service to America" tour that portrays his past as something other than a endless loop of sleazy opportunism and bonehead crimes he got caught committing, and attempts give some idea of how he would govern if elected president in 1960--is to speak on Thursday in Jacksonville.

Without mentioning the Bush Crime Family, he will say in a speech that the United States should prepare, "far better than we have before," to respond quickly to a September 11-style attack by bombing Iran.

The Arizona senator is also expected to say that the U.S. government should be better able to handle a natural calamity, in what sounds like a reference to the botched Republican response to Hurricane Katrina.

According to speech excerpts leaked to his barbecue buddies in the “Straight Talk” press pool, he will say that "when Americans confront a catastrophe, either natural or man-made, their government, across jurisdictions, should be organized and ready to deliver bottled drinking water to dehydrated babies and rescue the aged and infirm trapped in a hospital with no electricity." He is not expected to endorse levee maintenance at this time.

While Democrats say electing McCain would represent a "third Bush term" and “the final stake through the heart of America,” McCain has made it clear that he disagrees with Bush on issues like torture and global warming, though not enough to vote that way.

This speech is not a repudiation of Bush--whose family McCain fears like nothing this side of Hoa Loa Prison--but rather a lengthy description of the horrendous clusterfuck the next president will inherit from him.

"To defend ourselves," he says, in a reference to the largely imaginary threat from Islamic extremists, "we must do everything better and smarter than we did before, but without changing the way we vote."

McCain, who clinched the Republican presidential nomination largely by wooing independent voters who believe what he says instead of what he has said previously, lays out a role for bipartisanship in sharing the blame for Islamic extremism, deficit government spending, our corrupt health care system, U.S. dependence on foreign oil and other issues he will do nothing to address.

"We can leave these difficult problems to our unlucky successors, after they've grown worse, and harder to fix, and that’s one way to do it. Or we can bring all parties to the table, and hammer out principled solutions to the challenges of our time, which I think I might be in favor of if saying it gets me elected," he says.


Anonymous said...

What an idiot we will have for our next president. Looking closely you can actualy see not just the stick up his ass BUTT also the often changing arms (all right sided from the looks of it) nestled in there and controling his mouth. That in my opinion explains his lips never moving when passing such painfully large sized verbal turds. That may also explains his lack of a seated position. I read the other day that some in oposition to him are offering blury photographic proof of the stick actually being one of the many fence posts he failingly trys to stand and balance on. Please note; Sadly most fence post are actually to long and wide to be comfortably inserted in the common politisions body, let alone with the right hand of devine madness. This to shows how uncommon a man he is. Maybe this job is to good an offering to This god. I just want to see him stand and sit up and down while watching his rubby white lips flutter with right hands and wings so covered in blood. He smiles as he pains others without his selfcontrol.
Thanks for the idea Bob:)

Anonymous said...

That brb is a jerk! I love Macain if only because One of those right hands is mine.

Douglas Karr said...

There is one solid benefit to having McCain as president. In his entire 'opportunist' career, he's never let pork through on his watch. Given the raping and pillaging of taxpayers over the last half-century of Democrats and Republicans, that, alone, is a good enough reason to vote for him.

Bob said...

Unless you count $12 Billion a month for Iraq...