Thursday, April 03, 2008

Experience counts on its fingers

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AFP)--Republican John McCain said Thursday he knows economics better than potential Democratic election foes what's-her-name and the colored fellow, but was unable to explain what he meant.

McCain has been attempting to shore up his credentials in the area as anxiety grows that we could be in a full-blown Hoover-style depression by November, which would torpedo his plan to take over the country and continue beating it with a huge Republican Fist of Doom until he has a crippling stroke and falls over.

"I know economics very well, certainly better than my many enemies would have you believe, so let's clear that up," McCain said in a CNN interview. "Anyway, what do you know about it, you little jerk? Get the fuck off my bus."

The Arizona Senator has been trying to live down a remark in a Boston Globe interview in New Hampshire last year, when he accidentally admitted he doesn't know shit about the economy and can't learn.

On Thursday, he reminded everyone again that he spent the early years of his adult life in the navy, where his daddy was an admiral, and had not had time to devote to the subject because he was heroically enduring torture and captivity in Viet Nam, where he was a high-value prisoner because his daddy was an admiral. He made up for it later by divorcing his wife to marry an heiress and using her money to become a lawmaker in Washington.

"Hey, fuck you, buddy," McCain said. "I have been involved as chairman of the commerce committee, I have been involved as part of the Reagan revolution where we cut taxes on rich people and restrained spending on poor people and embarked on one of the strongest periods of economic growth in the history of this country."

He trailed off into distracted muttering before getting to the part where the trashed economy later had to be repaired by Democrats.

Clinton and Obama have both claimed McCain lacks policies to mitigate a housing slump and the economic pinch being felt in states like Pennsylvania and Ohio, which have lost thousands of manufacturing jobs abroad. They have avoided calling him a supply-side moron, but no one knows why.

On Wednesday, Clinton debuted another stupid fucking ad asking voters who they would prefer in the White House when an economic crisis broke in the middle of the night--her or McCain. There was no third choice.

But McCain's campaign took only hours to hit back, releasing the script of its own "3:00 AM" ad, then bragging it shows true fiscal management skills to do so, since now they don't even have to pay to make the ad.

"It's 3:00 AM..." the ad would have said, copying the opening of the irritating Clinton spots, then veering off and hitting both Democratic candidates where it hurts.

"Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are up smoking crack and raising taxes naked, and they think it's al Qaeda on the phone, demanding health care. More money out of your pocket.

"John McCain has a better plan. Grow jobs, grow our economy--not grow Washington. It's 3:00 AM, time for a president who is ready to bomb Iran."

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