So drunk, and vacation's still two weeks away

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Reuters)--President George W. Bush lamented the poor relationship between rich people and their servants on Thursday, in his first address to America's leading civil rights organization since he was appointed Supreme Decider in 2001.

Bush drew roars of approval from members of the NAACP at their 97th annual convention when he cut himself biting off a bottle cap, then repeated what the voices told him for a while.

"I consider it a tragedy that the party of Abraham Lincoln let go of its historic ties to the African American community," he said, tearfully. "But it's not my fault. That's how you fix elections," he said.

"That history has prevented us from working together when we agree on great goals. It's not good for our country," said Bush, who received only 9 percent of the black vote in the 2000 presidential election and 10 percent in 2004, and has a 2 percent approval rating among blacks now, with a three-point margin of error, if anyone cares.

Black Americans mostly side with Democrats as the lesser of two evils and suspect that Republicans actively plot against them. That impression was reinforced when the Bush Crime Family allowed New Orleans to wallow in its own blood in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina last year.

"We'll work together, and as we do so, you must understand I understand that racism still lingers in America. It's a lot easier to change a law than to change a human heart. Just ask Bill Frist," Bush said.

The NAACP sought to defeat Bush's re-election bid in 2004, accusing Republicans of "sucking. Hard."

Bush called slavery and the discrimination it spawned a "stain that we have not yet wiped clean from the starched white shirt of America," said there was much work to do to improve education for black Americans and increase the number who own their own homes and businesses, and that future presidents will sure have their work cut out for them.

After the speech, he showed what a regular guy he is by slapping the face of Democratic congressman Al Green of Texas.

NAACP President Bruce Gordon said he thought Bush gave a "very strong performance, considering how drunk he was," but actions will speak louder than words.

"It's one thing to blurt it into a microphone when you're shitfaced, it's another thing to do it," Gordon told the American Urban Radio Network. "So we now need to move from what's been said after cocktails, to what gets done when the motherfucker sobers up."

Three Democratic members of the House of Representatives said in a joint statement that many of the goals Bush touted as revolutionary new idea are items most Americans have embraced for generations.

"Unfortunately, over the last 5-1/2 years the president has compiled a consistent record of saying one thing and doing another in pursuit of those goals, thereby undermining our nation's ability to truly reach them," said George Miller of California, Major Owens of New York and Danny Davis of Illinois. "It's some fuckin' bullshit Texas shell-game."

Bush had scorned invitations to address the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People because he couldn't withstand criticism from its previous president, Kweisi Mfume, but with elections coming up he decided it was time.

When Gordon gave Bush a polite introduction, Bush said to polite laughter in the crowd: "Bruce is a polite guy. I thought what he was going to say, 'It's about time you showed up, you jive turkey."'

The crowd of hundreds was largely respectful, giving Bush a standing ovation when he stumbled onto the stage and launched into an impromptu rendition of "One for the Road."

Two men, however, tried to interrupt the speech before they were driven out with tasers. One of them requested "Freebird." They were believed to be Negroes.

Bush's appearance, through some bizarre coincidence that could never happen in real life, coincided with a debate in the Senate over renewing key portions of the 1965 Voting Rights Act, which is credited with ending discrimination of black voters through barriers like poll taxes and literacy tests, which have given way to "felon" lists and defective machinery.

He threw his support behind the Voting Rights Act, which the Senate later approved 98-0, saying he looked forward to signing it into law and can't believe no one ever thought of it before.