Bush: Iraq is pay-to-play, bitches

CRAWFORD, Texas (Reuters)--President George W. Bush on Saturday urged other nations to make good on $13 billion in pledges to help the new Baghdad government pay bribes to Halliburton and protection to Blackwater, and said the United States is too far gone down the road of fascist doublethink to admit Iraq is a total clusterfuck.

Bush, who is desperate to show progress even as polls say a majority of Americans think the 2003 invasion was the single dumbest foreign policy decision in American history, laid out an ambitious agenda for U.S. interference, including helping the Iraqis increase oil and electricity production to pre-war levels through privatization and tax cuts.

He said Bush Crime Family goon squads would continue to be embedded in Iraqi army and police units and the United States would help the new Iraqi ministers of defense and interior improve name-taking and ass-kicking, root out dissent and investigate and punish human rights advocacy.

And he promised U.S. theoretical support for Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki's efforts to nationalize militias and build a judicial system.

"It is vital for the Iraqi people to know with certainty that America has an endless, expendable supply of blood and treasure," Bush said in his weekly pointless radio address from his fake ranch in Crawford, Texas. "The challenges that remain in Iraq are serious, I'm told."

He called on other countries to step up to the plate or face our mighty, savage wrath.

"We will encourage other nations to fulfill the monetary pledges they have already made to help the new Iraqi government succeed," Bush said. The international community was initially bullied into promising about $13 billion--or roughly 4% of U.S. taxpayer contributions to date--but so far only $3 billion in used tens and twenties has been paid out.

U.S. diplomats will go to Asia, Europe and the Middle East to twist arms and threaten potential donors, some of whom fear their money will be used for mercenaries and kickbacks rather than reconstruction, like all of ours has.

Bush said that as Iraq made progress in the political, economic and security areas, the international community in return would provide Iraq with "more robust" political and economic support, but neglected to explain what he meant.

Although the deadly, unpopular and illegal war has helped sink his approval ratings to child molester levels, Bush gave no hint of any imminent drawdown of the 129,000 U.S. troops in Iraq despite pressure from panicked Republican incumbents to do so before congressional elections in November render the whole bunch of them susceptible to prison time.

"We face determined enemies who remain intent on killing the innocent, and defeating these enemies will require more sacrifice and the continued patience of our country," he said. "I mean, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few thousand eggs."

The number of acknowledged U.S. military deaths in Iraq reached 2,500 this week, which means it won't be long before Bush has killed more Americans than Osama bin Laden. More than three years has passed since the beginning of the pre-emptive cakewalk that now finds U.S.-led forces locked in a struggle with a resilient Sunni Arab insurgency, a tiny fraction of which has ties to al Qaeda.

Bush has refused to set a deadline for withdrawing American troops, stand up, stand down, corner corner corner.

Some Democrats have demanded U.S. forces be pulled out soon, but they are traitors and cowards with French-sounding names.

"At the earliest practicable time, the United States must begin the responsible redeployment of its troops, and the Iraqis must assume the burden of defending their own country," said Nancy Pelosi, the top Democrat in the U.S. House of Representatives, a well-known Islamofascist dupe who hates America and is probably gay, if not gay-married.

Coming off a recent stretch of rare good news--the death and probable martyrdom of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the formation of another Iraqi government, official word that top aide Karl Rove has cut some kind of deal in the CIA leak case and an attention-grabbing five-hour visit to a fortified military complex in Baghdad's Green Zone--Bush planned to spend a quiet weekend at his central Texas ranch, drinking.