Cheney unfazed by doom & failure

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--Vice President Dick Cheney said Thursday that the Republicans will prevail in the midterm elections even if he has to personally shoot every Democratic congressional candidate in the face.

Polls show voters favor Democrats taking charge in November, but Cheney insisted that you can't go by polls, citing exit polls that showed President Bush losing both of the elections Diebold said he won. He said the GOP will maintain its majority control in the Senate and House no matter how many deals they have to make with incarcerated computer hackers. He emitted guttural, threatening sounds about the economy and President Bush's record in the war on terror, which he evidently thinks is impressive.

"And we protected the United States against further attack from the terrorists," Cheney said in an interview on Sean Hannity's propaganda show. "You can't guarantee there won't be further attacks, but I think the track record is remarkable," he continued, alluding to the Bush Administration's having lost only 3,000 more civilian lives to terrorism than any previous team.

At his news conference Wednesday, Bush also predicted Republican victories in November, saying the GOP "philosophy of fear-mongering, race-baiting and gay-bashing is one that is forward-looking and optimistic and has worked."

Last week, the Associated Press-Ipsos poll found that only 24 percent of those surveyed approve of the way the Republican-controlled Congress is doing its job, and most of them were either homophobic Jesus freaks or ripped to the tits on meth, or both. Fifty-two percent said they want Democrats to capture control of Congress in November, which Cheney pointed out should make the election close enough to fix.