Bush threatens return to D.C.

OMAHA, Nebraska (AP) -- President Bush stressed the need for immigrants to learn American values and culture if they are to become citizens and get that fabulous minimum wage, as he paid a visit Wednesday to this heartland state where the Hispanic population is on the rise after more than a century of white people.

Bush said that upon his return to Washington after his grueling two-day tour of what was once northern Mexico, he would sign an executive order creating a task force that will expand English, civics and history classes to help more foreigners assimilate into the vast consumer swamp that is America. It will be led by Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, who has never had a job in education in his life.

"One aspect of making sure we have an immigration system that works, that's orderly and fair, is to actively reach out and help people assimilate into our cheap labor economy," Bush said. "That's what you get for learning the values and history and language of America."

Bush spoke to one such classroom in Omaha. The president quizzed the students about American history in their native Spanish, which confused and frightened them, then gave a rambling speech trying to push his controversial and incoherent immigration plan and acknowledging it's "a tough debate for America" when no one can understand what the president is saying.

Bush says he believes the House and Senate can agree on their sharply different approaches to illegal immigration, also that he's a much better driver when he's had a few drinks. Negotiations to form legislative subcommittees to explore amendments to each to begin the process of reconciling the two have yet to begin, and Bush said he was looking forward to them, whatever they are.

"That will give us a pretty good feel for whether or not attitudes are hardened to the point nothing can get done," Bush said Tuesday during a stop at a discreet special interest meat parlor in the border town of Laredo, Texas. "I don't think so," he added, then became disoriented and upset.

Bush's hellish and exhausting two-day trip on the issue took him to the training facility for Border Patrol agents in Artesia, New Mexico, to a sector headquarters near the Rio Grande River and finally to the Midwest town of Omaha, which he'd always thought was in Japan.