Friday, June 02, 2006

Bush not gay

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)--President Bush will again attempt to bolster his pathetic approval ratings with attacks on a harmless minority by promoting a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage on Monday, the eve of a scheduled Senate vote on the cause that is so dear to his batshit insane religious fundamentalist base.

The amendment would prohibit states from recognizing same-sex marriages, which will solve all the problems facing American society today, including global warming and terrorism. To become law, the proposal would need two-thirds support in the Senate and House, and then be ratified by at least 38 state legislatures, which only an idiot believes will actually happen.

The cowardly Senate Judiciary Committee approved the amendment on May 18 along party lines after a slapfight between Senator Russ Feingold, D-WI, and the chairman, Senator Arlen Specter, R-PA. Specter claims he won, but Feingold was all, like, "Whatever, Arlen."

Bush aides said he would be making his stridently incoherent remarks on the subject Monday.

A slim majority of Americans oppose gay marriage, according to a poll of people with nothing better to think about by the Pew Research Center from March. But the poll also showed people are losing their taste for theocratic snake-oil: 63 percent opposed gay marriage in February 2004. The number of people opposed to all marriage is not known.

Those poll results don't reflect how people might feel about amending the Constitution to ban gay marriage, or how many respondents fear that they are gay themselves.

The Massachusetts Supreme Court decided to legalize such marriages in 2003. A year later, San Francisco issued thousands of marriage licenses to gay couples. And a year after that, Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast.

This November, initiatives banning same-sex marriages are expected to be on the ballot in retard-heavy Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee and Virginia, as well as moderately retarded Wisconsin. In 2004, before it was obvious to even the meanest intelligence that George Bush would crumble into final-stage gibbering alcohol shock without Karl Rove there to distract him with filthy political tricks and stories from the Gannon file, 13 states approved initiatives prohibiting gay marriage or civil unions, with 11 states casting votes on Election Day.

Bush benefited as horribly repressed religious fanatics turned out to vote and helped him defeat notorious wind-surfer John Kerry in 2004. In Ohio, where they count certain votes twice and others not at all, an initiative rejecting the legality of civil unions won handily. The same state tipped the election to Bush, or so they say.

"The president firmly believes that marriage is an enduring and sacred institution between men and women and has supported measures to protect the sanctity of marriage by keeping it out of the hands of people who want to treat it like some kind of state-licensed legal commitment," White House spokesman Ken Lisaius said.

Bush has lost support among conservatives who blame the White House and Congress for runaway government spending, illegal immigration and lack of action on bullshit social issues such as the gay marriage amendment.

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