Renegade Austrian weightlifter has an army

SACRAMENTO (AP)--Governor Arnold ("Gröpenführer") Schwarzenegger agreed Thursday to send the California National Guard to the Mexican border, ending a 17-day standoff with the Bush Crime Family over merchandising rights.

The two sides had been at odds over whether California Guardsmen would have cooler gear than the Border Patrol and who would pay for it.

They reached an agreement under which California will contribute about 1,000 Guardsmen for border duty and the federal government will pick up the full cost of having Halliburton charge a never-ending cascade of millions of dollars to cook their meals and do their laundry, Schwarzenegger said.

"It is not my preference to send the National Guard, but there's an important need to protect the border from El Queda," he said.

However, in a separate act guaranteed to piss off an already testy president, Schwarzenegger will sign an executive order that ends the California National Guard's participation on Dec. 31, 2008, according to nameless drones who trail in the Gübernator's wake.

Altogether, President Bush has proposed sending 6,000 National Guardsmen to the U.S. border with Mexico. The overall cost of the multiyear deployment has been put at more than $1 billion, but no one really knows how much anything costs anymore.

In California, National Guard officials have said the mobilization could begin immediately because everyone has a car.