Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Bush to seniors: Shut up and sign

SUN CITY CENTER, Florida (AP) -- President Bush has heard pleas for an extension of the deadline to sign up for the new Big Pharma Giveaway program from lawmakers, seniors advocacy groups and finally two women in his audience Tuesday. He's rejected them all, citing unitary authority as Commander-in-Chief in the War on Aging.

"Deadlines are important, Grandma," the president said at a retirement community, less than a week before the last day for most seniors and the disabled to enroll in the program without facing higher prices and severe beatings. "Deadlines help people understand there's finality and people need to get after it. I mean, you people are old, you should be able to understand that."

The new program compels 43 million lucky Medicare beneficiaries to enroll in a complicated protection racket that will subsidize the artificially-inflated cost of the brand-name prescription medications they need to stay alive. With about 37 million people now bullied into compliance, Bush Crime Family hacks from the president on down have engaged in a Blitzkrieg of propaganda to frighten another six million into signing a series of incomprehensible documents by Monday.

"We want people to believe there are really good benefits," the president said. "If you haven't looked at the program, take a look. There's bullet points and pictures, everything you need to really understand an unnecessarily complicated indemnification process. I said that good, didn't I? In-dem-ni-fi-ca-tion. Listen, Wrinkles, shut up and take what you get, all right?"

Bush's aggressive & incoherent promotion of the Big Pharma Giveaway--and his childish & arrogant refusal to push back the deadline--is likely just a bunch of bullshit.

The White House and congressional Republicans are hoping that the scandals of the program's early days--when it was revealed that there would be no negotiating over prices and that the program would cost almost twice what had been promised--and the confusing signup process intended to lock out as many benefits as it locks in, will have faded to a distant memory by the fall midterm elections, replaced by a warm, syrupy feeling from all the Prozac they'll be required to buy because it's in everything now. As the controlling party in Congress, Republicans hope seniors--who have nothing better to do than vote--will give them credit in November for making sure pharmaceutical companies are in no danger of bankruptcy, no matter how many people they kill.

For now, though polls show most who enroll are intimidated by unexpected phone calls and strangers with clipboards, many seniors are still complaining that the program's complexity makes them want to kill themselves. Most people have more than 40 plans to select from, which is obviously better than having one plan for everyone which covers everything, but try explaining that to a bunch of feebs on their last legs.

On a three-day, three-city tour through the state with the highest percentage of senior citizens, Bush urged seniors to shut the fuck up.

"I did know that there would be some worries about having to choose from 40 different plans," he said. "But then I stopped knowing it, and because I'm the decider I decided it was worth it because I know that 40 different plans here in Florida will mean that an individual might easily die before we ever have to pay for anything."

The president graciously invited questions, and one whiny old bitch told him a last-minute rush has created logjams on the Internet and over the phone.

Bush held fast in the face of this terrifying left-wing outburst, mumbling something about poor seniors and exemptions and penalties and deadline, deadline, deadline.

Bush's stop in the Tampa area followed an appearance earlier in the day near Fort Lauderdale. There, he visited Broward Community College, where government officials set up tents and tables with laptops to guide dozens of bitter, ungrateful seniors through plans. Bush mingled among those geezers waiting dejectedly in a courtyard where Frank Sinatra's "Young At Heart" played on loudspeakers over and over again, loud enough to drown out the protests outside.

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