Monday, May 08, 2006

Junta Moves

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush on Monday demanded that his humble, spineless followers kneel down and kiss the ass of Air Force Gen. Michael (Wiretap) Hayden, setting up a possible battle with lily-livered members of Congress who, in a perfect example of pathetic & weak-minded pre-9/11 thinking, question whether a fascist military dictatorship is right for the country.

Hayden is "supremely qualified for this position," Bush mumbled like a cheap Chinese robot during an Oval Office announcement with the fiercely paranoid nominee, who currently implements secret policies on behalf of National Intelligence Director and key Iran/Contra figure John (Death Squad) Negroponte.

"He's the right man to lead the CIA at this critical moment in our history," the president said, as Harriet Miers rubbed his feet.

The Air Force four-star general would replace CIA Director Porter (Pimp Daddy) Goss, who abruptly resigned on Friday when it became clear that he would not long be able to hide his participation in drunken orgies of gambling and indiscriminate sex at the Watergate Hotel with limousines, hookers and cigars provided by defense contractor Brent Wilkes, known around D.C. as the man who bribed ex-Congressman Randy (Duke in Stir) Cunningham so savagely that the old man wound up weeping and blubbering in public before being sent to prison for eight years.

Hayden's anointing is likely to bring renewed attention to the controversy surrounding the Bush Crime Family's program to spy on their political enemies while pretending to fight what they call a "War on Terror" whose principle purpose seems to be to drive up the price of oil and gold, two commodities in which the Family is heavily invested.

The president did not refer to the program of illegal warrantless wiretapping overseen by General Hayden, and the only intelligence issue he cited was the threat posed by "the determined enemies who struck our nation on Sept. 11, 2001, and who intend to attack our country again. I mean, not the same 19 guys, obviously. That would be something, though, wouldn't it? Zombie Terror!"

He also mentioned the need to "enforce the secrecy and accountability that are critical to the security of the American people," whatever that means. Mr. Goss had made a crackdown on leaks one of his top priorities, as his forthcoming indictment on obstruction of justice charges will likely demonstrate.

"There's probably no post more important in preserving our security and our values as a people than the head of the Central Intelligence Agency," Hayden said, pretending that the National Intelligence Director and the President weren't right there in the room with him.

He said he looked forward to bitch-slapping the Senate and working with military-industrial drones in Congress to continue changing America into a Soviet-style totalitarian national security state with secret courts and a gulag. "This is simply too important not to get absolutely right," he said. "I mean, if we fuck this up, they'll kill us."

Negroponte, during a media dictation session shortly after the announcement, said Hayden is a "very independent minded person" who's also outspoken and a very snappy dresser. He asked those with concerns about Hayden's military affiliations to consider his qualifications as a former D.O.D. thug in Bulgaria and as the D.O.D. thug in charge of the National Security Agency.

"As far as this concern that's been expressed about the military or the Pentagon taking over intelligence: go fuck yourselves. This is a done deal," Negroponte said. "We know exactly what we're doing, you boobs. There's a lot of money at stake, so it stands to reason that we have to work very closely with the Pentagon and with the armed services in our data-mining and marketing activities and we do precisely that."

Over the weekend, America-hating Democratic and "Republican" members of Congress expressed tepid concern about Hayden's military status.

National security adviser Stephen Hadley said Hayden shouldn't have to resign his commission and that previous CIA chiefs have been military officers, so there.

"The president actually thinks it's a strength," Hadley said. "[Hayden] understands the military aspect of the intelligence business, where you can obliterate the competition with bombing or assassinations, but as I say, he's also done a lot of wetwork in the private sector, so he won't take any shit from those pussies at Langley.

"The key question is, who can we get who hasn't already been photographed boning a hot teenage meatpie in a posh Beltway whorehouse?"

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